Sitting in the private room of the emergency department, my dad suggests to me to call Erick . I dial Erick on my cell phone and he picks up after only a few rings. I can hear Ainsley playing in the background...... I tell Erick that there's been an accident and that Olivia is badly hurt. He immediately starts screaming "NO, NO, NO". I don't remember anything else about our conversation other than his cries of helplessness and fear. I don't remember hanging up the phone..... I just don't remember...... I do remember his cry and it haunts me to this day.
A nurse comes to the room and tells me that her name is Mary and that she can take me to Olivia. I walk with Mary and ask how Olivia is doing. I was NOT prepared for her to tell me that Olivia wasn't breathing on her own.
At this point, I am now having an outer-body-experience. I am watching myself walk into a room with Olivia surrounded by medical staff. The doctor introduces himself to me and then explains that Olivia's pupils are fixed and dilated. I don't really know what that means but I know it's not good. The doctor continues to tell me that Olivia sustained a significant head injury. He gently tells me that there is nothing more that they can do for her. A few moments go by and I try dialing Erick again but my hands are trembling so badly that I can't hit the right numbers. The physician dials for me and I don't know what I said to my husband who is hundreds of miles away from us but he is on the other end when I say good bye to my sweet Olivia. I tell her to go find Steeler then I buckle at the knees and curl up into a ball on the floor. At some point during this, I hear "Time of death.........." She's gone. Oh my God, my first born, beautiful daughter is dead.
The nurses give me a chair and tell me that I can stay with Olivia as long as I need to. I sat next to Olivia's lifeless body and hold her hand while my dad hugs her and sobs. I remember showing the nurses how cute Olivia's toes looked. Erick painted her toes and mine before we left for our trip. It was a bluish green color. I later learned that the name of the color was Mermaid's Tears. Weird, huh?I also remember hearing a man in the adjacent room vomiting over and over again...... I sat back down again and held Olivia's hand. It had that stupid pulse oximeter attached to her pointer finger.
I don't remember how long my dad and I stayed at the hospital that night but to this day I know that it wasn't long enough.
Watching your child die is the worst thing that a mother can experience but watching your child's body be placed into a black bag and zipped is, well, I have no words for it. I wish I wouldn't have seen it. I wish I wouldn't have said that I wanted to go back to the house. I wish I would have never been on this nightmare of a vacation.