Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Long overdue.

The moment that word got out that Olivia was dead, the sympathy cards, food, gifts, and donations started pouring in from everywhere.  I think that they kept coming weeks after her funeral.  

My mom always taught me to write thank you notes to anyone who had ever given me anything but I was never taught the edicate of a dead child.  Who teaches us that, right?

As a blogger, I have decided to write about my story and it must be honest, truthful, raw.  Even if it's embarrassing or shameful.  So here it goes.......

 I never did write  a single thank you note to anyone who sent us something during our time of sorrow and grief.  

That sounds absolutely terrible as I'm writing this.  I can't even begin to describe the amount of generous givings that were sent to us or donated on behalf of Olivia's memory.  In her obituary (I still can't believe my daughter has an obituary), we asked that in lieu of flowers, please donate to Animal friends.  Animal Friends received thousands to dollars in Olivia's memory.  I have kept every one of those receipts.

The PTA at Olivia's school had drawn up a collection and had given us hundreds of dollars to help our family through our tragedy.

What may sound even more terrible is that I have YET to read one single sympathy card.  It's been over six years since Olivia's death and I haven't been able to  bring myself to sit down and read the loving words from so many kind and truly sympathetic friends, acquaintances, and even strangers.  Well, I attempted to read one and I couldn't see through all of my tears.  The sympathy cards weren't just signed by the givers, but people wrote to us.  I remember one in particular card that came in the mail from my second grade teacher, Mrs. Peffer.  Oh, how I wanted to read her sentiments but it was so overwhelming for me.  Sadly, Mrs. Peffer has since passed away.

It's time that I start reading these cards because I think it's important to hear what you all had to say about loss and Olivia.

The boy next door to us who was in Olivia's grade stopped by one day after school to give me a large banner that was basically a sympathy card from a bunch of  classmates.  Other kids simply wrote our words of missing Olivia and gave them to me.  I still have all of those loving tributes to Olivia.

One of Olivia's friends painted a beautiful sunset over the ocean and gave it to me.  Haley, I still have that hanging in my home.

I have kept everything from everyone because it reminds me of how much Olivia was loved.

So, to all of you out there that follow me and have sent us a card, food, gifts, donated to Animal Friends, or was a member of the PTA six years ago,  I want to finally say THANK YOU.  I know that this is a little too late but I do mean that whole heartedly.  Thank you.  Thank you for grieving with us.

Love, Rebecca

1 comment:

  1. It's acceptable to receive without responding during such an agonizing time. Sometimes, you need to sink into the well of your own loss and let others surround you with love and hold you in their arms. Those who truly love and care for you will willingly offer you everything they can without expecting anything in return; those who are unable to offer unconditional love are experiencing too much suffering themselves to support you and will step away. Let them go. My deepest condolences in your loss. I cannot imagine what you've gone through, dear lady, but you have done it with grace and amazing generosity of soul. Please now let go of any guilt and shame about not sending thank you cards or not reading the sympathy messages. It's okay if you never send cards or read messages. It's okay whatever you decide to do. The grief belongs to you, and you work through it in the way that brings you healing. I wish you all the best and pray that you find support, comfort, and peace through those around you who truly understand and accept you as you are, and where you are.