Monday, October 7, 2019

Never knowing is hard

When my sweet Olivia died in 2012, she was just shy of 9 years of age.  At that time in her life, she was an active young  guitar player, elementary school student who loved art, a big sister, and a soccer player.  At the time of untimely death, those were the things that defined her  as an 8 year old girl.

But, as kids age/grow up, their interests start to evolve.  Those who once played guitar may now play trumpet.  Those who once played soccer may now be on a basketball team or cheerleading squad.

You never now.

You never know........  that's what is so darn agonizing.  Not knowing.  Not watching the evolvement, the growth, the maturity of my sweet  Olivia over the past 7 years now.

She would be 16years old.

Like I mentioned before, Olivia was a soccer player with a group of great girls.

Team name:  The Cheetahs!

They started out pretty flat but as a team, they really started to pick things up and improved tremendously.    It was such a fun time during her existence.

(Olivia - front row left)

It is now soccer season as well as Homecoming season, and I am drawn in daily of the reality of "what could have been".

About a mont ago, one of Olivia's former teammates/friend posted a picture on Facebook of herself and the rest of the Junior Class Springdale High School Soccer  Players.  But, there seems to be one thing missing......

My Sweet Olivia.

Would she have continue her soccer "career" and been  playing under the lights?  Would she be a guitar player, strumming along to Taylor Swift?  Would she be attending the high school Homecoming Dance?  With a boy?  With friends?

That's the thing........

I'll never know.


  1. You are such a beautiful soul and I love that you share yourself like this. What Olivia would have been is something I have wondered as well. We keep your family in our hearts and admire your strength. You can always lean on me though, always.

  2. I think about your family all the time. Shelby still thinks and talks about Olivia. You'll forever be in our hearts! Sending you great big tight hugs!!

    1. Thank you for your kind thoughts and words. Hope Shelby is doing well.